It’s now February. I can’t believe how fast time fly’s by sometimes. I wanted to give a quick update on what is going on with me. Back in December, I laid out a bunch of things I wanted to get done. I got next to none of them done. I have been in a weird place the last few months. There have been days where I want to be as productive as possible. Then there are days where I don’t feel motivated. Days where I feel depressed. Days where I don’t want to get out of bed. Days where I can’t sleep. There have not been enough days where I feel motivated to be productive. I haven’t even done a quarter of the content I wanted because of that.
Since Halloween 2020 things have not been the best for me. My life is in a period of transition. Since Halloween, Reno 1868 FC folded, I got a new job, I was sick for a while and my grandfather passed away. Only February first and this year has already been a lot.
I started by trying to figure out what to do without Reno 1868 FC. I wanted to help another team come to town but my efforts fell through. I then started moving my content into a different direction by focusing on things like Twitch. Then I got sick so I couldn’t do anything. After that, I started adjusting to my new job and schedule. I am still adjusting to some of that. Then my grandfather went into the hospital. My left to be with her father and family. Things ended up getting worse. The rest of my family and I ended up with my mom’s family. My grandfather then passed away only a few days after my birthday. My birthday was Friday. He passed away on Tuesday.
His passing has hit me pretty hard. Without him, the path I took in life would be different. Without him, I wouldn’t be the person that I am. Some days are better than others but it’s a fresh wound. This has made me depressed. Sometimes I just get to the point where I can’t sleep. Sometimes I get to the point where I am crying and want to put my fist through a wall at the same time. I believe this is giving me depression. I think this year will be tough for me. I think there will be times this year where I will be extremely depressed to the point where I can’t do anything. Right now, just writing this is taking a lot out of me.
At the end of the day, I will be fine. I will be able to make content like I want to. I am hoping that I can do more in February. I’m pretty sure I will have my t-shirt shop back open by March. I am also hoping that I can start most of what I want to do by April.